The end of a relationship can be a difficult time - Gingerbread’s Advice Service aims to provide a range of practical help and information that we hope will help you cope better and deal with some of the important matters that you will need to consider in both the short term and long term future. Depending on your circumstances, there are some issues you might need to consider urgently.
Domestic Violence:
If you or your children are at risk of harm by remaining in the family home and are in need of somewhere safe to stay you should contact an organisation like Women’s Aid.
Women's Aid is the lead voluntary organisation challenging domestic violence in Northern Ireland. Women’s Aid provides refuge and emotional support to women and their dependent children suffering from mental or physical harassment within the home. They can be contacted on: 24 Hour Domestic Violence Helpline - 0800 917 1414
You may wish to stay in your family home and remove your ex-partner or leave for a short time and return later – you can go to court for an ‘occupation order’ to do this. You may also want to consider a ‘non-molestation order’ to protect yourself from your ex-partner. If you want to stay in your home you should seek advice on how best to do this.
Housing:
It is important that you know where you will be living, especially if your child or children will be staying with you.
If you are a Housing Executive or Housing Association tenant
If you and your partner are joint tenants then you have equal rights to remain in the home, unless one of you has been violent, or threatened violence towards the other. If you and your partner have a joint tenancy but the children are going to reside with you, then your rights to stay in the house are increased.
You may be treated as making yourself intentionally homeless if you give up a joint Housing Executive or Housing Association tenancy without good cause and you will have difficulty in being re-housed. If your partner has subjected you to violence or the threat of violence, then you have good cause for leaving. We recommend that you take advice on this to ensure you protect your rights.
If you have a Mortgage
If the mortgage for your house is in joint names then you and your ex-partner are both liable for the debt - it is important that you avoid going into arrears. If your partner will not pay anything towards the mortgage and you cannot make the full payments yourself, contact your mortgage lender – they will often allow you to pay a reduced rate for a while or suspend payments. You should also seek advice from Gingerbread, or another advice agency, on maximising your income and checking what benefits you might be entitled to in your new situation.
You should be entitled to a share of the family home if you are married to your partner or if your name is on the mortgage.
Dividing up the house and possessions on separation can be very difficult. If you are seeking a divorce, financial claims must be made prior to the divorce being granted as once the divorce is final it can be difficult to make a financial claim against an ex-spouse. For all separating partners it is best to seek advice or consult a solicitor when dealing with any disputes over ownership.
Finances:
It will be important to ensure that you have your own income and are not dependant on your ex-partner. Whether you are working or not you should seek advice to check on any other benefits or tax credits that you may be entitled to. If you are already receiving Tax Credits you should also have the amount checked to avoid being underpaid or overpaid as this could cause you financial difficulties later on. Gingerbread’s Advice Service can advise you of your entitlements and tell you how to maximise your income.
Basics - If you have been left without any money for essentials like food or fuel you can apply for a Crisis Loan from the Social Fund at the Social Security Agency. If you need some essential household items such as furniture, appliances or bedding and get Income Support you can apply for a Community Care Grant from the Social Fund – see our leaflet on the Social Fund or contact us.
Bills - You may want to get in touch with the people who issue your household bills and have them change their records so that bills are issued in your name only. You might also want to make arrangements to pay off your most recent bills gradually, allowing you more time to sort out your money situation.
Debts - If there are debts that were taken out by your ex-partner or jointly, you should get advice first to check if you are liable for the debt and get advice to help you consider how the debt can be repaid.
Joint Accounts - You might need to act quickly to prevent your ex-partner from emptying a joint bank account. Contact your bank for information on your accounts if you do not have this to hand. You should also check if the account has an overdraft facility as you may be liable for repayment of the overdraft even if you did not spend the money.
If there is a dispute about the funds in the account you can arrange for the account to be frozen and it will only be unfrozen if both you and your ex-partner give written instructions or if a court order has been made. The bank itself may decide to freeze an account if they are notified of a dispute or that you are separating. If you have any credit cards held in joint names you can also cancel these as this will help avoid new debt accruing.
Arranging Child Support:
You can arrange to receive maintenance from your partner by coming to a joint agreement about how much is paid, how often and how it will be paid. You can also apply to the Child Support Agency to make a maintenance assessment and then collect this from your ex-partner. If you are getting Income Support you can be compelled to co-operate with the Child Support Agency unless you have ‘good cause’ not to – this is usually the fear of violence from your ex-partner. For further information see our leaflet on Child Support.
Children:
Who the children will live with:
If this cannot be decided jointly between you and your ex-partner then a court may decide for you. Courts prefer not to intervene but will make decisions where parents cannot agree or refuse to discuss these matters with each other – if you can decide about Contact with your ex-partner then this need not go to court.
The court will usually decide that the children are to live with one parent - this is called a ‘Residence Order’. The court can also decide that the other parent is awarded contact rights – this is called a ‘Contact Order’.
In deciding where a child will live a court will look at:
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What the children feel they want to happen
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Their physical, emotional and educational needs
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The likely effect that this change in circumstances will have on them
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The age, sex, and background of each child and any other characteristics that the court thinks are important
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Whether or not any of the children have suffered harm or are at risk of suffering harm
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How capable both parents are of meeting the needs of the children
The court will also have a Social Worker complete a welfare report on each child before any decision is made.
Contact:
Courts prefer not to intervene in these matters where possible and expect both parents to try to come to an arrangement for the sake of their children. If possible it is best to try to ‘define’ contact with your ex-partner – this means to make definite long term arrangements for contact. It is usually a good idea that that the agreement covers all aspects of contact as this will avoid arguments or doubt now and in the future. The agreement could include:
- How arrangements are made
- How a child is collected and returned
- How you are informed if contact is not going to take place
- Where contact should take place
- Where it should not take place
- What a child should eat or drink
- Anything else that you think is important
If the court awards you residence and allows your ex-partner to see the children you may have some concerns about this.
You should bear in mind that the court will only refuse or restrict contact on certain limited grounds – these usually deal with the safety and welfare of the child. The amount of contact and the type of contact will depend on the individual circumstances including the wishes of the children if they are old enough to understand the situation.
If you feel that contact should be supervised, you can ask for it to take place in a Contact Centre – these are professionally run, independent centres which aim to allow children to have contact with their parents in a monitored environment. Gingerbread has information on Contact Centres and where they are located. Contact Orders can be used to prevent as well as allow Contact between a parent and child - the court will consider all the issues listed above before granting an order of this nature.
Other Orders:
Prohibited Steps Order - This is an order that prevents a particular thing happening to your children and can be issued against anyone. It can be used to stop a parent making certain decisions about how children are brought up or it can prevent your partner from changing the child’s surname, the school that they attend or prevent your ex-partner from taking the child abroad without your permission. The court will not issue a prohibited steps order if a contact or residence order will have the same effect.
Specific Issue Order - This is an order the court can make to settle a dispute about issues regarding parental responsibility. This type of order may be helpful in settling one-off disputes such as the type of school the children should attend. Again the court will not issue this type of order if a contact or residence order will have the same effect.
For further information:
The following organisations may be able to help you, your ex-partner or your children:
Parents Advice Centre – Parents Advice Centre aims to help parents and other family members facing a variety of difficulties in their family situation to improve their ability to function within the family by giving support, guiding individuals to find their own solutions and using basic counselling skills.
Freephone Helpline: 0808 8010 722 Website:www.pachelp.org
Relate - Relate NI provides a confidential counselling service for those who have relationship or marital problems. Relate Teen offers help and support to young people aged 11 – 19. Relate also offers a Family Counselling service addressing a range of family issues.
Telephone - 0870 242 6091 Website:www.relateni.org
Families Need Fathers - Families Need Fathers provides information and support to parents, including unmarried parents, of either sex. FNF is chiefly concerned with the problems of maintaining a child's relationship with both parents during and after family breakdown.
Helpline - 0870 760 7496 Website:www.fnf.org.uk Office - 0870 760 7111
You can get more information and advice from Gingerbread – we can help advise you on the things that you might need to consider following a separation, help you find sources of further assistance and help you fill out any forms or paperwork that may need to completed.
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Freephone Advice Helpline - 0808 808 8090
Website – www.gingerbreadni.org
Email – advice@gingerbreadni.org |
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